I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
