Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
