Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
