You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
