We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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