I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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