I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
pray to the hookup gods
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
