Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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