Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
