I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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