You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
