she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
