i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
