So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
