There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
