Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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