I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
