did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize