Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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