i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
