I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
