It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
