dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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