News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
