i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
