I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
