I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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