Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
