whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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