Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
