id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
