Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
