I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
