he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
