i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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