wrigley field is MILF paradise
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
