We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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