just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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