I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
