ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
