Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
