As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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