He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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