oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
