I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it's great music for shaving your balls
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
