I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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