Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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