No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize