Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
