Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
