My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
