So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
