wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
