i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
