You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
