please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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