the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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