is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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