She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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