Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
