If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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