I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Found the puke drawer
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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