Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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