Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
