you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
