Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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