On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize