what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
