Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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