Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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